I don't know how to start this. I miss him wtf? At first i thought i miss his old Nokia N-Gage phone, which he used while we were dating. But when i told him that, he replied me with "You can hug me instead". I don't know, the idea of it sounds nice, and comfortable. Don't get me wrong, i'm completely loyal and happily in love with my current, but sometimes i can't help but miss the guy that pulled through with me through my hard times.
I mean, even till now, i've never dated a guy who's so into me (in a good way). Yes, i believe my current one is hell perfect, but my ex, was the sorta guy that would do anything for me, and he shows it. Well, my current one, is sorta, less expressive and egoistic when it comes to that. Not that there's anything wrong with being less expressive and egoistic.
He was the one that dragged through, dealing with all my growing ups. I was 14 then, he was 17. 3 years apart, as much as we loved each other, our way of thought was different. But our background, history, and family was pretty much the same. I guess we bonded over that.
My anorexic days were my worst. My depression took a toll on him. Visits to the psychiatrist became my only weekend plans. I was not allowed out, until i ate. So i never went out. I ate so little till i survived on 2 tablespoons of rice a day and one bite of meat or egg, with the occasional purging and fasting more days. My clothes slipped off, but he stayed on. He pushed through when my parents took away my phone upon knowing we were dating ( I wasn't allowed to date at 14). We talked for minutes, a few days a week.
I hated it, but it just have to do.
One day i woke up, and i left him. Trust me, it wasn't a at the moment decision. Whatever energy i had left, i question everyday if i still love him. I realize i didn't. Maybe because i'm the sorta person where i need to see my boyfriend in order to remind myself that i love him Or that i just needed to love myself more, before i can love him. Either ways, i left.
He wasn't happy. He still stayed on. I acted like a bitch so he'd leave me alone. It was a mean thing to do, but i guess i knew i needed to do it.
What i miss was having him around. He was my boyfriend once, so obviously we could talk. These days, when we do, it just feels like before. As funny and as entertaining. Only this time we talk about our respective partners.I can tell my story of my disease to the whole world and no one will understand it as well as he did. He dealt with me, first hand. That meant something. I guess i just miss having someone that has been through that past with me so closely, that really knows me at my worst.
Just reminiscing.
I mean, even till now, i've never dated a guy who's so into me (in a good way). Yes, i believe my current one is hell perfect, but my ex, was the sorta guy that would do anything for me, and he shows it. Well, my current one, is sorta, less expressive and egoistic when it comes to that. Not that there's anything wrong with being less expressive and egoistic.
He was the one that dragged through, dealing with all my growing ups. I was 14 then, he was 17. 3 years apart, as much as we loved each other, our way of thought was different. But our background, history, and family was pretty much the same. I guess we bonded over that. 
My anorexic days were my worst. My depression took a toll on him. Visits to the psychiatrist became my only weekend plans. I was not allowed out, until i ate. So i never went out. I ate so little till i survived on 2 tablespoons of rice a day and one bite of meat or egg, with the occasional purging and fasting more days. My clothes slipped off, but he stayed on. He pushed through when my parents took away my phone upon knowing we were dating ( I wasn't allowed to date at 14). We talked for minutes, a few days a week.
I hated it, but it just have to do.
One day i woke up, and i left him. Trust me, it wasn't a at the moment decision. Whatever energy i had left, i question everyday if i still love him. I realize i didn't. Maybe because i'm the sorta person where i need to see my boyfriend in order to remind myself that i love him Or that i just needed to love myself more, before i can love him. Either ways, i left.
He wasn't happy. He still stayed on. I acted like a bitch so he'd leave me alone. It was a mean thing to do, but i guess i knew i needed to do it.
What i miss was having him around. He was my boyfriend once, so obviously we could talk. These days, when we do, it just feels like before. As funny and as entertaining. Only this time we talk about our respective partners.I can tell my story of my disease to the whole world and no one will understand it as well as he did. He dealt with me, first hand. That meant something. I guess i just miss having someone that has been through that past with me so closely, that really knows me at my worst.
Just reminiscing.
kisses.
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1 kisses:
your story,reminds me of mine. exactly the same. and I too had anorexia.good for you girl, you've come far. (:
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