Passion.: I Suck At Life

(this life i mean)

My official birthday is exactly a week away.
When most turning this age would be prancing around in joy, i'm scared.

(the worse possible job that is so not me)

Time and time again, i whine about life, so please bear with me.
It's like a tug of war, between wanting to grow up quick, and trying to grip the end of the carefree responsible-less fun.
I'm scared to make the big-ger decisions, more than just choosing the right course.
There's the job, and the family and keeping it all together.

But at the same time i want to make my own mark in life, badly. I wanna stop feeling so helpless.

At this age, when everyone is starting to discover the party scene, and the booze that comes along with it, i'm slowly growing out of it. The hype, the energy of it just isn't there anymore. I guess that's what happens when you grow up just a tad bit faster.

Yes, you grab life and reality earlier than others, you tend to take life more seriously at this age, that's the advantage.

But because you're not growing at the norm pace, you're pretty much on your own.

The view's pretty lonely from up here.

(Me in red car. I'm a lesbian with no kids. wtf)

The things that used to be the wild things, ain't that wild anymore. It's still wild for everyone else, just not me.

Maybe dead is the way to describe it.

Part of me finds it pointless at how i'm living. I want to make my own money, my own independance, my own house. It's crazy to be thinking like that at my age, i just started college damnit!

Yet part of me is trying to grip that energy for life i used to have when i was young-er.