You know, my holidays are coming to an end. By next week, i'd be back in college going along with my everyday routines. Only this time, Nicole will be there. I don't know how much of a difference will that make since she's not in my class.
Yupp, back to the cycle.
I hate it.
I love the security of how predictable it can be sometimes, go to class, make noise, eat, go home, but i hate how unproductive it can be, how my life is going nowhere with it. I know how at this age, studying is what i'm suppose to be doing, that studying is productive and it is bringing me somewhere, like helping me to land a job.
But in my books, being productive has a whole different meaning. I've known to be an overachiever and at some point i agree. I push myself over the edge, i want to do just about everything possible in the world, and at the end of it, i'm just never satisfied.
And now, neither am i just satisfied being a college girl. And my part time 'job' of partying, attending events, and shopping is not helping things seem any better.
I want to make my mark in the world, whether in money or in name, it doesn't matter. I just want to do something.
My future seems pretty unsure from where i'm standing.
I do alot, because that's how i am. Dancing, arts, fashion, modeling, my studies are excellent, my mind is like this huge powerful computer, things are processed at lightning speed. That's the thing, i do alot but i'm not superbly great at one thing that i can channel my focus and energy to. It's scattered everywhere. There's nothing that makes you go "Wow". I want that.
Time and time again, i rant about this, about being unproductive. It never stops bothering me that my life is going nowhere at this point.
I've been thinking about my future so much, that i actually look through houses for sale classifieds everyday and deviced up a plan to save for it.
Yupp, back to the cycle.
I hate it.
I love the security of how predictable it can be sometimes, go to class, make noise, eat, go home, but i hate how unproductive it can be, how my life is going nowhere with it. I know how at this age, studying is what i'm suppose to be doing, that studying is productive and it is bringing me somewhere, like helping me to land a job.
But in my books, being productive has a whole different meaning. I've known to be an overachiever and at some point i agree. I push myself over the edge, i want to do just about everything possible in the world, and at the end of it, i'm just never satisfied.
And now, neither am i just satisfied being a college girl. And my part time 'job' of partying, attending events, and shopping is not helping things seem any better.
I want to make my mark in the world, whether in money or in name, it doesn't matter. I just want to do something.
My future seems pretty unsure from where i'm standing.
I do alot, because that's how i am. Dancing, arts, fashion, modeling, my studies are excellent, my mind is like this huge powerful computer, things are processed at lightning speed. That's the thing, i do alot but i'm not superbly great at one thing that i can channel my focus and energy to. It's scattered everywhere. There's nothing that makes you go "Wow". I want that.
Time and time again, i rant about this, about being unproductive. It never stops bothering me that my life is going nowhere at this point.
I've been thinking about my future so much, that i actually look through houses for sale classifieds everyday and deviced up a plan to save for it.
kisses.
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